Recently, my Year 9 students have been exploring the topic “Searching for Meaning.” I conducted a Youth Ministry activity called “Speed Dating,” where participants sat in two circles, one inner and one outer, facing each other. I asked a series of questions, such as, “If you could change the world, what would it be?” and “What are three hopes you have for your future?” After each question, I instructed the outer circle to move one seat. This made for a very engaging activity.
Following the series of questions, I asked the students to debrief as a class, posing questions such as “What challenged you?” and “What surprised you?” One student highlighted that, depending on who you were talking to, your answers would change. With some students, you felt closer, while with others, you felt more distant and were less likely to share. The student noted that there is a risk in sharing personal or sensitive information; you don’t always know what someone might do with that information.
I agreed with the student and suggested that different contexts prompt us to respond differently. How you respond to a parent will be different from how you respond to a friend from school. I spoke about how vulnerability requires trust in the other person. I then posed the question to the students, “When we are vulnerable, what does that do to our relationships?” I suggested that vulnerability can bring us closer. If we are able to open up about how we are feeling or thinking, especially about sensitive issues, it can deepen our relationships.
Later that weekend, I reflected on this further. Vulnerability is essential for healthy relationships to grow and develop. Whether with our immediate family, extended family, friends, or partners, it raises the question of whether we are willing to be vulnerable with them. Instead of letting extroverts dominate the conversation or allowing those who want to control situations to take over, we can choose to speak up. We can actively decide to communicate about issues that are important to us and that we feel strongly about. In doing so, we allow others to see us more fully. However, there is a risk. Sometimes relationships, particularly within families, can become heated and things can explode, rather like a volcano.
Are we willing to risk the volcano exploding, or do we prefer peace? If we do not “rock the boat,” we suppress our true feelings and thoughts. But, if we truly love others or truly love ourselves, does this truth require us to be more authentic? It raises the question: where we seek to love, are we also seeking growth? To search for meaning requires us to step out on a limb and call ourselves and others out of immature relationship patterns, toward more authentic connections that allow us to be more fully ourselves.
As we draw closer to Christmas, will you choose to be more authentic and risk vulnerability, or would you prefer to keep the peace by pressing down your feelings and thoughts?
Journal and reflect on the following
When do I find it easiest to be vulnerable, and when do I find it most difficult? Why?
How do different relationships in my life (family, friends, colleagues) affect how honest and open I am?
What fears hold me back from sharing my true thoughts and feelings with others?
Can I think of a time when being vulnerable helped deepen a relationship or bring healing?
Do I tend to “keep the peace” by staying silent, even when something important needs to be said?
How might being more authentic help me grow as a person and strengthen my relationships?
As Christmas approaches, what is one small step I can take to live more honestly and courageously in my relationships?
Pause the audio now and listen to the song
Let it go by James Bay
Pause the audio now and listen to the song
Need You Now - by Plumb
Pause the audio now and listen to the song
Fix you - by Coldplay
Let us pray together
Loving God, We come before you with hearts that long to be known and to know others deeply. Give us the courage to be vulnerable, to speak our truth with gentleness, and to listen with compassion and understanding. Help us trust that, by opening our hearts, we can build stronger, more honest relationships rooted in love. When we feel afraid of rejection or conflict, fill us with your peace and remind us that you walk with us in every risk we take to love more fully. Teach us to choose authenticity over fear, connection over comfort, and love over silence. Amen.
(Audio Available)
